The Fraggle Rock creatures had to live underground because it was the only place they could hide their crystal meth labs.
Lassie was a youth nazi.
Mr. T. did so many expiremental steroids that they actually turned him into Barry Bonds.
Spider-man was a peeping tom.
Mr. Rogers was a hardcore porn addict with a taste for bestiality.
Kermit the frog used to get hopped up on methamphetamines and beat Miss Piggy.
The Transformers used to transform into taxi cabs and rob whoever got in them.
The Ninja Turtles used to trip old ladies walking over sewer grates then steal their shoes.
Big Bird owned a big white van with no windows.
Inspector Gadget used to make fun of amputees.
The Mario Bros. used to eat the mushroom people they were friends with just so they could trip.
The Looney Tunes were a rogues gallery of addicts, convicts, and republicans.
Charles Barkley used to..., oh wait, everybody already knows Barkley was out of control.
Batman had a gadget for everything, including one to retrieve gerbils he and Robin had "misplaced."
The Cabbage Patch Kids alway said that border patrol was their dream job.
Tweety Bird once shot a man just to watch him die, then shot another one out of pure bloodlust.
Scooby Doo used to pimp Scrappy out to Michael Jackson for weed money.
Rin-tin-tin founded the Anti-Humanity League. Animal rights activism to the extreme.
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